Today I woke up to a message from an old best friend, telling me he is moving five provinces away in (maybe) less than a week.
This completely broke me down, along with many other things.

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Lately, I've found myself being sort of pushed away from photography. Although, it's not by choice.

At school, the co-op lady who is to assist me in making the best choices for my co-op experience, refuses to allow me to become a photographer.

At first, I agreed with everything she was saying.
My marks aren't outstanding.
My attentdance needs some work.
Photography is one of the hardest things to get into, especially for a 16 year old.

But then she started getting aggrivated after I kept comming into her office with more and more possible photography placements.
She almost instantly crossed all the phone numbers out and continued to tell me that photography can "never be a profession, only a hobbie."

Forgive me, but, isn't it her job to inspire and help kids find their way? To find their passion and make a possible lifestyle out of it?

"Oh, but I'm not telling you that you CAN'T do it, Lisa!
but maybe a hair salon would be a better placement for yourself"
She actually has the nerve to say.

After this experience, I had that stupid voice stuck in my head, telling me I couldn't do it, even though she didn't say it directly.

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About a week ago my mom found an internship for me as a photographer for the Fashion File Host Hunt on CBC. This made me more nervous than excited.

When I got there I was shy around all these models, designers, and people who were on tv, so I got shakey and teary-eyed.
Also, the lighting was horrible.
We were at a really nice club, but it had blue and red lightbulbs, or something of the sort. I tried the highest ISO, but still ended up having to use flash.

My mom was telling me that this was my chance and not a lot of opportunities were going to come around after this, and that I should make the best out of the experience.

But all I could hear was that stupid lady's voice in my head. Over and over and over again. Until I found some inspiration deep down and continued to try.

The photos weren't my best work, but the experience was much needed.

Basically this Journal is to let people who are stronger than myself realize that no one can bring you down if you believe in yourself. I haven't been brought completely down yet, and I hope that these negative comments will only make me more motivated and inspired to do what I actually enjoy doing.

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On another (happier) note:
I have also been asked to take some pictures for my friend's acoustic side project, along with a very admired photographer, who will show me tips of how to take pictures of musicians in the complicated lighting. I'm really excited and happy that I have some people who actually realize I need the practice and are encouraging me to do so.

I also start my second photography course at school on Tuesday, although we have a very poor reputation for photography courses here at Ajax high.
But my mother is also giving me the chance for a very expensive photography course in the summer, which I'm also very excited about!
And if you haven't realized it yet, I received my new camera.
My first SLR, which is digital, to make things a little easier on me haha.


Ta for now,
Lisa